You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize