If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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