i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
