We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
