And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
