you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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