Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Randomize
