he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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