The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
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Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
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I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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