I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
