one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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