Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
