he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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