Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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