The brown eye won't let me do that either.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
