I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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