Pants 0. Shit 1.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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