I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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