Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
