Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
