chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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