I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
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he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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