$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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