ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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