Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
