No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
