im holly from the hills drunk
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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