Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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