I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
