Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
