Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
