Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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