The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
