my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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