I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
