don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
