I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize