so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
