my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
