I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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