I think I won the penis lottery.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
