her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
