P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
