Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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