No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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