dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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