I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
