Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
