Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize