If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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