She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
