Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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