aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
