Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It's Friday. Sex?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
