She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
