i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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