hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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