She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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