i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
