Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
