So drunk its hurt
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
