you guys were way drunker than both of me
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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