About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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