im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
