I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
