Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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